30 something crisis... again?

i-Quote ::
Most people just get older, and they find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, choose personal preferences in drink, have the nerve to get married and have children, and they call that growing up. That's not. That's getting older. ~ Maya Angelou
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What's up?
It's been a minute since I've felt to sit down and write a long, heartfelt email. This week has been that week however, when my emotions have waxed and waned like the movement of the moon (who says I'm not poetic ~ Editor's Note: Check out my brother Dwayne Morgan at When Brothers Speak next weekend at the St. Lawrence Centre for the performing arts).

I digress. So it's been a minute since I last wrote a heart to heart email - but this week the pieces just sort of FELL into place as my thoughts, time, circumstance, and coincidence came together.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. One day when I wake up, I feel depressed. I think about all of the conversations that I've had lately about friends losing their jobs. I think about my constant disclaimer to everyone that I have serious conversation with "don't let people fool you... no matter how much anyone's making, everyone's catching their a$$ right now". I wonder if it's true, or if it's just media H1N1 like hype (I've decided that I'm not taking it), scaring us all into a state of panic. Either way, I've decided not to take any chances - if all these celebrities can go bankrupt, so can anyone. I've started watching coupons and trying to trim unnecessary Rogers features, turn the heat down a notch and researching high efficiency furnaces (lol)...

I see homeless people in Scarborough - the suburbs - in record numbers and unlike many, truly wonder what their story is. Is that an engineer? A college graduate who made a mistake and cussed his boss? Did her husband take her children and home? Did a relative pass leaving that person without a home?

I think about myself, and I wonder if I'm "truly" doing what I was put here to do... I mean, I'm great at it, and I love it, but is it truly "adult"? Is it recession proof? Especially, when Wall Street, Telus, television and radio, and construction aren't? Maybe I should do something else. Maybe I should go back to school?

2 years, on the first of January, I held something at my house that I stole the concept from my good friend Wayne Warner (yeah... we're friends - now everyone knows Wayne). It was called 30something at 30something (as opposed to 30 at 30, 31 at 31 so I could continue it annually). I invited the, you guessed it "30 something" most influencial people to me getting there. The next year, as I sat to write the list, I revisited the list from the year past and realized that many, if not most of the original 30 were old friends... who, like the experiences that shape an artists first album, equalled my experience from 0-30. So when putting the list together the next year, I thought - damn... this person didn't know my furnace was out for a month last year. That person didn't even know I reinjured my leg. I didn't call this one when I went to Japan, and that one was shocked to see me not driving the civic. My point? I realized that the term "friend" (and again I'm aware that friends don't speak every day) in some of the instances had lost meaning - that I hadn't been a friend to them, or them to me - we were acquaintances who cared, and of convenience in the event that something happened - but not FRIENDS. I cancelled 30something.

Then there's the flipside. Someone asks "how are you", and I monitor my answer to not say or bring any negativity into my space... "I'm great". And I am. I'm fully aware of the fact that we complain too much. I have a home, strained but existent family relationships, strained but great friendships, and a strained but existent financial situation. But others have worse - and for what I have, I am truly, truly grateful.

Apart from having a cold, I'm healthy. (Actually, that's a lie. I think I heard my friend Hance say that "upwards of 70% of people live in a state of pain". I would fall into that category where I live with certain and certain pains, as they've become a part of me so much as not to bother me).

Again. The flipside is, however, that like the Drake lyric, sometimes - some days - I feel "24 hours from greatness... I'm that close". Sometimes, I'm aware - of the impact that my contributions in entertainment, with this newsletter, as a voice in the community (look out for the return of my Black history moment as a full commentary segment on Worldwide soon). Somedays, I feel great. I feel driven to do more. And I feel grateful.

My thoughts go out to all the families going through health issues - fighting cancer or lupus or any other terrible disease. My thoughts go out to friends who are letting ego get in the way or relationships that are broken by pride and anger and hurt.. And then, like Desiderata, and my mom's favorite song, I think to my self "Its a Wonderful world"... And I need to be more gracious and grateful to be here. Someone else wishes they had what I have... and once again, I need to remind myself to celebrate life and let the little things go...

Happy birthday to my partner in crime, DJ Starting from Scratch. Happy birthday to my brother, Dr. Jay de Soca Prince (I'll be partying with you at Soca Or Die this Saturday - http://toronto-lime.com/). Happy birthday to Ms. Giona (I'm glad you've found happiness). Happy birthday to one of my greatest motivators and friends, Jully Black (your work ethic & positivity truly inspires me - Black Book in Stores November 23rd).

Happy birthday to all my Scorpio friends (the most difficult jealous, yet loving sign to deal with...): Nurse Karen, TreyNix, Chantelle Knight, Ayana McLean, Plaeboi (what up East coast), Debra Haughton, A-Game (my condolences little Bros), Taboo, Michee, Romero (what up Montreal), Sarah Lyn, Mona Lady Luck, Jeanelle Igwe, Skinny Ricky, Amol Standout, Gillian Baptiste, Xandi, Solitair, MarXman, Nicole Alexander (was it good to you?), Ayanna Sealey, Kwamster Monster, Roscoe (aka P90X), Thrust, Sir Phillips, Marsha Matthews, Wendy Madevu... I don't generally do this, but there seem to be more Scorpios than any other sign for some reason - and that was only up to this week lol...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I feel better. Back to work. It's funny... with all that said, work wise, I've been very motivated since the Amnesia Anniversary in September... Coming up of course is the Sound>Track Edition of Soul Kitchen with the return of Starting from Scratch and the long awaited return to Vola (formerly known as Blurr).